


Sam and Dean Make America Great Again

by nelliespector (ilmv)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, This Is STUPID, this is one of the dumbest things i've ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 13:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7620100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilmv/pseuds/nelliespector
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean investigate Donald Trump, while Castiel falls into a depression over his failure to save Harambe</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sam and Dean Make America Great Again

"Does he seem kind of off to you?" Dean says, looking at his laptop at some footage of the presidential election on CNN. "I mean, just judging by his hair the guy has never been normal but..." Donald Trump is shown making weird faces at the camera for no apparent reason and speaking in such a way as to barely construct a coherent thought. Sam and Dean look at each other, perplexed.

"What are you thinking? Demonic possession? Shapeshifter?" Sam asks.

"Could be either of those," says Dean, taking a drink of his beer. "All I know is the last thing anyone needs is a literal monster in the White House."

"God forbid he gets that far," Sam says as he types at his laptop. "Well, says here the next Trump rally is 2 days from now. If no other cases come up, maybe we should go check it out."

"What about Cas?" Dean says.

"Dean, he's depressed. Let him get some rest," says Sam.

Cas is in Sam's bed, the covers drawn around him like a burrito. He wears a weary expression on his face. He doesn't cry about things, but if he did, he would be crying about this. He was at the zoo in Cincinnati, trying to stealthily procure a feather from a rare bird for an angelic spell when suddenly a child fell into the gorilla enclosure. He wanted to fly down into the enclosure and save the child from harm but it would mean exposing himself as an angel to the public and he knew it would cause pandemonium. He had to watch along with the other bystanders in horror as the zookeepers were forced to shoot Harambe the gorilla. Cas could have stopped it from happening. He could have saved the boy. He could have saved Harambe. But he didn't, because he was afraid. He was sure he would never forgive himself. So he took up residence in Sam's room, watching daytime TV talk shows to try and take his mind off the tragedy that had befallen Harambe.

Sam knocks on the slightly ajar door of his own bedroom. "Cas? Can I come in?"

"Yes, it's fine," Cas says, pressing mute on the remote. He turns his attention away from the Maury show, to Sam, who looked on Cas with concern in his eyes.

"He's gone, Sam. Harambe is gone, and it's all my fault," Cas says.

"Don't say that," Sam says, sitting on the corner of his bed. "You know it's not true. There wasn't anything you could have done," Sam says, trying to reassure Cas. It was true, if Cas had used his angel powers in front of a crowd of hundreds of people it would have brought too much attention to him. The general public was not ready to know the truth about the world of the supernatural. "We're going on a hunt," Sam says. "Maybe. Will you be alright by yourself?"

"Yes, Sam. I'll be fine," Cas says. "What are you hunting?"

"Donald Trump," Sam says. "Or whatever is possessing him."

"I have often thought something strange was afoot with Trump," Cas says.

Sam smiles. "We'll be back soon."

~~~~~~

2 days have passed and no other cases have come up, so Sam and Dean head over to the Trump rally. They go undercover as Trump supporters, wearing American flag shirts and "Make America Great Again" hats. They wander through the crowd, blending in perfectly. They look like a couple of clueless rednecks. A group of Trump supporters are holding signs extolling the building of a wall along the border. Sam and Dean fake a smile and give them a thumbs up.

"Great place for a monster to hide out," says Sam, surveying the surroundings.

"Or a demon to make deals," says Dean. "I don't know about you but I'm creeped out here."

Music starts to play and the crowd lines up, waiting for Donald Trump and his body guards to parade by. Sam and Dean push through to the front, reaching the barricades. Trump is shaking hands with his supporters, walking along a red carpet. Sam stands out among the crowd, being so tall and wearing a white cowboy hat with little American flags stuck in the brim. He holds out his hand and Trump approaches him. Sam looks Trump in the eyes in the brief moment, seconds, they have together and says it. 

"Christo."

Donald Trump's eyes flit black, exposing the fact that he is possessed by a demon. He is startled but Demon!Trump smiles at Sam, moving on along the line and shaking hands with his supporters.

"Did you see that?!" Sam shouts at Dean through the blare of the cheering crowd and booming music.

Dean shakes his head yes. "What are we gonna do?" Sam shrugs, and they decide to regroup in the parking lot.

"I don't know how we're going to get past security to exorcise him," Dean says.

Sam thinks for a moment. "Maybe we don't have to. I have a recording of the exorcism on my phone. If we could hijack the soundsystem, play the recording over the speakers the demon would be expelled."

"In front of a crowd of hundreds of people and millions of viewers? How are they going to explain that?"

"I don't know," says Sam. "But how else can we do it? I mean, we're good, Dean but we're not 'sneak past secret servicemen' good. This could be our only shot."

So Sam and Dean change into their maintenance man costumes they happen to keep in the Impala's trunk and sneak back into the rally through a service entrance. Nobody besides the demon possessing Trump would recognize them. They show security their fake name badges and are waved into the control booth. Dean knocks out Trump's sound technician guys, dragging their bodies to a janitor closet which he locks, and keeps a guard of the door, while Sam makes his way to the soundsystem. Trump is giving a speech, promising to ban Muslims from the United States and build a wall along the border with Mexico. "Should have known he was a demon," Sam mutters to himself as he looks for the controls. He readies his phone to be plugged into an aux jack on the control board, the Latin exorcism MP3 ready to go. He watches the monitors for the right moment. Trump finishes his speech, his face triumphant as the crowd cheers for him. Right when Trump expects a song to play, Sam plugs in his phone and plays the Latin exorcism.

Trump twitches and writhes in pain as the demon inside him is pulled out. The crowd is confused and in shock, not sure of what is happening. The demon digs its claws into Trump, unwilling to let go of its host. Trump drops to his knees and the secret service rushes over to him. His eyes are black, his expression purely demonic. He is cackling. "You can't exorcise me," he says in an evil voice not his own, looking into the camera as if he is looking right into Sam's eyes.

"We need paramedics," a security team member shouts. Trump stands up and pushes the secret service members away from him with the power of a demon. They fall in a pile off the stage. The crowd scatters in fear, almost causing a stampede.

Sam turns up the volume on his phone.

_Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica._

The demon in Trump shudders and weakens.

_Ergo, omnis legio diabolica, adiuramus te...cessa decipere humanas creaturas, eisque aterna perditionis venenum propinare..._

The first plumes of smoke start to billow out of Donald Trump's mouth and he coughs. "No!" the demon shouts, still fighting the exorcism with whatever strength it has left.

_Vade, satana, inventor et magister omnis fallacia, hostis humana salutis..._

There's a pounding at the door of the sound booth. It could be the security team, it could be the rest of the sound crew. Dean rushes over to hold the door closed. He only has to hold them off long enough for the rest of the exorcism to play. Donald Trump looks into the camera with his black eyes, his face full of anger. "Sam Winchester," he says. Sam looks at the monitor, scared. "I know this is your doing. I will not forgive you for this. Hell does not forgive."

_Humiliare sub potenti manu Dei; contremisce et effuge, invocato a nobis sancto et terribili nomine...quem inferi tremunt...Ab insidiis diaboli, libera nos, Domine. Ut Ecclesiam tuam secura tibi facias libertate servire, te rogamus, audi nos._

Donald Trump shouts as a huge black cloud of demon smoke billows out of his mouth. Trump falls to the stage. Dean opens the door and finds it's just some maintenance guys trying to get in, not the secret service like he feared. "Hey, sorry." Dean says. "Guess this door gets stuck pretty easily. Let's get out of here," he says to Sam. The maintenance look at each other, confused. Sam and Dean make a break for it and head back to the bunker.

~~~~~~

Cas is still in Sam's room, no longer watching trashy talk shows but CNN. They are replaying footage of the Trump exorcism. Experts are debating on what happened to Donald Trump. Most are dismissing the entire thing as special effects, or a bizarre publicity stunt. Members of the crowd who claim Trump spoke with a Satanic voice are dismissed as nutjobs by news anchors. Trump is shown, still extolling the virtues of fear and bigotry on the campaign trail.

"How's it going, buddy?" Dean asks. "I see we made the news."

Cas nods. The angel's mood has improved somewhat. He's no longer beating himself up over Harambe. He starts to accept that he can't save everyone and every thing. "It appears the demon inside Trump was exorcised and was sent back to hell," Cas says. "Trump, unfortunately is still running for president, and is still an asshole."


End file.
